"Your weiner looks like Frankenstein's."

Congratulations, America! You have survived until the final day of the RNC (The Reptilian National Convention). Once you've read about the movie I've picked out for the week, people will have moved on from plagiarism and its accusers and have started gearing up for the next great outrage, which will undoubtedly occur at next week's DNC (The Other Reptilian National Convention).

I honestly don't know which I find more hilarious -- the unmitigated gall with which these alien slimeballs convince you that they are representative of your species (you have to consider on par with dolphins a pretty honorable distinction) or the repetitive-to-exhaustion way you keep believing them.

One bunch of assholes says the only way to create jobs is to tax the rich. The other assholes say the only way to keep jobs is not taxing the rich, plus hunting homosexuals for sport is a good way to build a strong, healthy bond with your son. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Blah. Blah. Blah. Do you need a job? Click here.

America's volume has been up so loud this year that I need a two-hour break from hearing the English language.

That's why this week's Thursday Thriller is Gozu.

A simple, two-sentence plot summary will not do this film justice, but here goes, anyway:

A yakuza named Minami (Hideki Sone) is charged with putting his deranged brother Ozaki (Sho Aikawa) out to pasture when the latter's psychotic outburst makes their boss uncomfortable. Complications arise when Ozaki's body goes missing before Minami can dispose of it.

Sounds pretty cool, right? On those two sentences alone, you can tell it's going to be at least as good as Things To Do in Denver When You're Dead or In Bruges. Who knows? In the hands of a Quentin Tarantino or a Guy Ritchie you might have yourself a Trans-Atlantic cult hit.

But Tarantino and Ritchie had their hands in the completely wrong hemisphere. This surreal and horrific 2003 mystery was directed by Takashi Miike, also known for Audition, Ichi the Killer, and As the Gods Will. Miike doesn't make movies that will fit easily into a TV Guide description of what happens.

For example, expecting a conventionally gritty, Western crime-drama, you might not be ready to see Ozaki swing a pomeranian around by its leash before smashing it against a diner window. You might not know what to make of it when Minami calls his boss to tell him Ozaki's body has disappeared and the boss conducts the entire conversation whilst having sex with a woman, a gilded ladle hanging out of his ass. "This is certainly uncharaceteristic of the genre!" you may exclaim, when you learn that the staff at the hotel Minami stays at in the busted, hick town of Nagoya is so dedicated to service that its aging proprietress tries to seduce Minami by demonstrating that her large breasts still lactate on his first night. She just wants her guests to be happy.

Later in the movie some weird stuff happens.

Gozu is so strange it must be a work of genius. It streams on Amazon Prime.

...and now a special message from The Devil Himself.