I've been giving you mortals guff over the past few weeks of how funny you act when you're scared. I'd like to continue this series tonight with a salute to men who use their girlfriends as shields.
They wrap their arms around their main squeezes and whisper assurances of "I'll protect you, babe," and when the monsters lunge at them, they use their superior upper body strength to hoist the gals off the ground and push them toward the monsters.
"Get her!" they yell. "Get her!" And they laugh and laugh and laugh. Meanwhile the girls are too busy screaming and thinking about what jerks these guys are to notice they are also cowards.
We notice, though, buddy. You're scared. We see you, and to be fair, that is pretty funny. Your secret is safe with me.
Unless I don't like you. Then I will forewarn your date.
Speaking of pretty funny, this week's Thursday Thriller is The Babysitter.
This 2017 comedy was directed by someone called McG. It's about a boy named Cole (Judah Lewis) who's such a pussy at age 12 he still has a babysitter. Her name is Bee (Samara Weaving) and she's hot.
Cole has one other friend, the girl across the street. Her name is Melanie (Emily Alyn Lind). Melanie tells Cole that babysitters always wait til the kids are asleep and bring their boyfriends over to have sex. So that night Cole waits up to spy on Bee and discovers she's into devil worship.
To survive, Cole has to overcome his fear of needles, spiders and bullies. He has to toughen up and learn to stand up for himself.
I don't want to say too much and give the story away, but I was impressed how well every gag is set up in the movie. Pay close attention in the first act. It all pays off.
In addition, it's got some good scares, lots of blood and Bee's fellow cult members are cartoonishly funny.
The Babysitter streams on Netflix.
Mention The Babysitter at the Devil's Attic this weekend and get $2 off admission.
Mention The Babysitter at the Devil's Attic this weekend and get $2 off admission.
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