"They're just shitting bricks because they're no longer top of the food chain."

I've said it before: Hell is supposed to be crowded, but when its overcrowding causes me personal inconvenience, I have to clean house. 2016 has been a banner year for Death, but all the excess souls I'm receiving are in the way. For example, just this afternoon Alan Rickman kept following me around studying me as if he's got a big role coming up. Two days ago Kimbo Slice and Schneider the handyman from One Day at a Time chewed through my Internet cable and just to post this blog I've had to borrow Purgatory's unsecured Wi-Fi. I don't want those jerks over there knowing which Web sites I visit. It's time to thin the horde.

At 8:29 p.m. on Saturday, Aug. 27, I will personally unleash legions of the undead on Louisville, KY. At Eastern Parkway and Bardstown Road, I will bang the gong, signalling the Derby City Roller Girls, in full corpse-ified regalia, to lead the procession of thousands of bloodthirsty ghouls toward Highland Ave. I might bring my Segway.

Speaking of segues, this week's Thursday Thriller is Blade II.

If you need a refresher, Blade (Wesley Snipes) was born half-vampire because his mother was bitten while she was pregnant. She died and he grew up with a fanatical hatred of vampires. Blade is based on the Marvel Comics character that first appeared in Tomb of Dracula in 1973.

Because of  his human side, Blade has less problems with the sun than his paler vampire counterparts. They call him The Day Walker. Kris Kristofferson plays Whistler, a sort of Q to Blade's James Bond, supplying him with cool gadgets to arm him in the fight against vampires. Whistler keeps Blade's car running and his guns full of silver bullets. He also shows Blade how to control his thirst for blood.

In this 2002 Guillermo del Toro sequel, Blade rescues his old friend from the vampires and brings him back to the base where Scud (Norman Reedus) has been filling in. Pretty soon, there's a security breach -- two messengers from the Vampire Nation have come to offer Blade a truce because they need his help to destroy the reapers, which are super vampires with mouths like Georgia O'Keeffe paintings.

Their vertical smiles are almost enough to put anyone off vagina -- which might explain why this is one of the most sexless vampire movies you will ever see. It's more about kung fu and exploding skeletons than overflowing corsets and close-contact neck sucking. At one point Whistler suggests Blade is getting too lovey-dovey with the vampire Nyssa (Leonor Varela), and it's important that he does because you would have no idea otherwise.

All in all, Blade II is a gory, action thriller with lots of badass special effects and fight sequences. It is so full of twists and double crosses the viewer is never sure who to trust or if it actually makes any sense, but so what if it doesn't? Norman Reedus blows up!

Blade II streams on Netflix.