"For your safety, you should keep him away from booze and donuts."

Mortals, I haven't commented on your petty current events in a while because you've gotten way too weird. I mean, it's great fun, but there's no way I can keep up with it all in my once weekly writing cycle. It's all happened so fast.

For example, before Elon Musk donated a submarine to help soccer players trapped in a cave, he released a $600 civilian-model flamethrower. Do you remember that? Do you ever wonder what happened to those things?

I'll give you another example. Do you remember a month or so ago when you looked up Bigfoot porn, because what the fuck is everyone talking about? How many pages did you make it into Bigfoot Knocked Me Up: The Complete 10-Book Set by Carrie High?

Were you aware that Amazon also has plenty of werewolf erotica for your Kindle reader?

The movie I want to tell you about is not werewolf erotica, per se, but it definitely has its moments.

This week's Thursday Thriller is WolfCop.

This 2014 splatter comedy was written and directed by Lowell Dean.

The town of Woodhaven is getting revved up for its annual Drink 'N' Shoot, but when a local mayoral candidate who's sworn to clean up the town is found killed in an apparent cult ritual, the reckless redneck festivities are canceled. Also, a solar eclipse is coming up, and the last time the Drink 'N' Shoot was canceled, someone was murdered then, too, and there was also an eclipse coming up. That was 32 years ago  -- a strange coincidence as pointed out by Deputy Tina (Amy Matysio).

Deputy Lou Garou (Leo Fafard) had just been out by the murder scene the time before. There was a disturbance, kids making noise in the woods or something. He saw Terry. Everything went black. There were people in black robes and weird masks. Knives? Possibly.  Something happened to Lou, but he couldn't remember exactly. If only he hadn't been drunk! He decides for the first time in his career to crack open a notebook and actually do some police work... at the bar. He starts feeling woozy. He retches. He goes to the men's room to pee and there he turns dick-first into a werewolf.

It hurts at first, but later he has all kinds of fun. He stops an armed robbery by three men in pig masks, marks territory on some vandals, blows up a meth lab, and has a soft focus, softcore, Skinemax-style romantic tryst with hot bartender Jessica (Sarah Lind).

WolfCop is a silly, raucous, down 'n' dirty, gory good time. It's the kind of movie that will have you grinning as you watch, thinking, "Somebody made this. Specifically, a man named Lowell Dean was able to pull some money together, hire some people, and he made this. How in the fuck did he get away with it?"

WolfCop streams on Shudder.