"A terrifying, centuries-old prediction foretold the spawning of demons on Earth."

Mortals, your dumb president screwed up all the traffic in Louisville on Wednesday, and many of you who thought you could find a way around got fucked up by flaming pizza.

It got me wondering, when is it going to be my turn to fuck up traffic? Then I remembered I'm unleashing thousands of undead onto Bardstown Road this Saturday at the Louisville Zombie Walk.

It's only fair. I'm more important than the president and almost as important as pizza.

Let's get in the mood by watching something gooey, melty and drippy, shall we?

This week's Thursday Thriller is Demons 2.

This 1986 Lamberto Bava isn't substantively different from 1985's Demons, except it takes place in a high-rise apartment building instead of a movie theater. It's even got Bobby Rhodes in it, except this time he plays a personal trainer instead of a pimp.

It seems Sally (Coralina Cataldi Tassoni) is just not having a good birthday. She has an "It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To" moment and shuts herself in her room to watch a movie about demons on TV.  The demons are pretty much the same things as zombies, except their teeth are sharp and they have claws. Anyhow, one of the demons comes out of the TV, Videodrome-style, attacks her, and turns her into a demon.

After that, lots of disgusting things happen. One of my favorites is when a baby demon tears his way out of a little kid's body.

I could go on in my critique, but there's not a lot to think about here. Demons 2 is a high-energy festival of gore perfect for the thinking impaired. Couldn't think of a better movie for your Louisville Zombie Walk pregame. It streams on Shudder.

"Tonight smells like another bloody incident perpetrated by humanity."

Sorry I've been neglecting you mortals. I've had to let this blog fester for a bit because I've been up to my horns in The Devil's Business.

My menagerie of evil souls, The Devil's Attic, opens Sept. 13 and I've got some new scares in store for you. And to tide you over until then the Louisville Zombie Walk is next Saturday. Yes, it's time to raise a little Hell.

Because it's Zombie Month, I've been rerunning some of my favorite zombie movie reviews over on my Facebook page, but I understand how trying these times must be for you without me telling you what to watch. You know, the kind of movies where your significant other walks into the room and asks what the fuck you're watching.

"Why are you watching that?"

"Because The Devil told me too."

I have just such a movie for you, this week. Yes, it's Zombie Month, but more importantly tonight is the full moon, so we're taking a little break from ambulatory deceased persons.

This week's Thursday Thriller is Wolf Guy: Enraged Lycanthrope.

Kazuhiko Yamaguchi directed this 1975 action thriller that stars Sonny Chiba as Akira Inugami, a crime-fighting werewolf who curiously never transforms. He is, however, an indisputable badass who has sex with lots of ladies and can kick gangster's asses with little more than a pocket of loose change. He gets stronger as the moon gets fuller.

One night a guy in the street died in Inugami's arms. He was babbling something about tiger's claws, hallucinating about tigers, and was shredded to bits by an unseen tiger claw-like force. Turns out the guy was in a band called The Mobs who had been gang-raping a singer named Miki (Etsuko Nami) at the behest of a vengeful gangster boss. One of the musicians gave her syphilis, so she put the curse of the tiger claw on all of them and took to singing about the curse at strip clubs while keeping her clothes on and upsetting all the patrons.

Then it gets weird.

Suffice it to say, Wolf Guy is a wild ride with all the funky, fuzzy wah-wah musical score you can handle. Turn on your lava lamp, kick off your shoes and dig your toes into the shag carpet for this one. It's perfect for the full moon. It streams on Shudder, with optional commentary by Joe Bob Briggs.

I'll try not to be such a stranger from now on. See you soon.