"I'm running this monkey farm now, Frankenstein."

So I've been pumping my barbed, three-headed phallus into Omar Mateen's raw, shredded buttocks for almost a week now, during which time it occurred to me that one of the unique thrills of watching your mortal society decay is how different groups of people react to the same crisis.

For example, some people might find it distasteful to learn that each head of my phallus has taken its own turn whilst little baby demons have fucked Omar in the earholes. Others might think you need stricter gun laws. Some people might favor the notion that Belial had his fingers in Mateen's nostrils, holding the mass murderer's head up so he could push is own quill-frilled member down the hateful, little bastard's blistered throat. Others suggest that his rampage of violence was an act of Islamic extremism.

Friends, Americans, Mortals, whether you believe that Mateen was so deeply conflicted about his homosexuality that he felt compelled to destroy everything about it he possibly could, including himself, or you think that he's just the kind of mean-spirited fuckface that cheered all the bus ride home from school on 9-11, you can rest assured that Omar has been passed around like a hot dish of savory, creamy, heavily -buttered mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving Day, and will be for several weeks until my horde of evil souls, especially the cenobites and the razor-quimmed succubi, have had their fill and pause for a postcoital cigarette.

Omar's never been happier. I would put pictures up on Grindr to show you if they hadn't already suspended my account. 

The whole situation reminds me of a movie I like. It's about a handful of bickering people with widely disparate ideas about how any of them are going to survive.

This week's Thursday Thriller is Day of the Dead.

This 1985 film by writer-director George A. Romero is the third in his five-part Living Dead trilogy. By this point, the dead have risen, eaten everybody, and are just kind of wandering the Earth in search of table scraps, and no one has ever figured out why. 

A team of scientists has been saved the fate of being ripped apart by flesh-eating dead people and given military protection so they could find the answers to the zombie puzzle. A helicopter pilot and a radio operator round out the crew to help search for other survivors. They're never very successful. 

The army guys help gather undead specimens to facilitate the scientific research. It's dangerous work, and soon all that's left are the racist assholes. They even lose their commander, and the next smartest racist asshole takes over.

Meanwhile, one of the egghead scientists thinks it's a good idea to keep specimens chained to the wall while he figures out how to tame them. He's one of those "so smart he's stupid" types. 

As supplies run low and more brave soldiers die, everyone begins to realize that teamwork hasn't exactly worked out for them yet. No one wants to die in the bunker, but as the dead outnumber the living 400,000 to 1, where do they go?

Day of the Dead features a lot of especially cool makeup F/X work by Tom Savini. It streams on Shudder, Hulu Plus and YouTube.