"Or maybe that black gas is a fart from the ass of God."

It has been a hellacious week, faithless readers, and my schedule is only getting busier as we roll toward Halloween.

First off, Lemmy crashed my Segway trying to recreate his entrance in the Killed By Death video. Now I can't ride it at the Louisville Zombie Walk, at which I intend to unleash thousands of the undead and a few rock bands on to Bardstown Road on Saturday, Aug. 27. Plus, I'm only weeks away from The Devil's Attic opening back up.

Busy is an understatement, but I'd be lying if I said I don't take the occasional moment to enjoy the fruits of my labors. The international audience for Thursday Thrillers is ever-widening, and I pick up clicks from a new country or two every time I post. Views from the U.K. have surpassed 100, and Germany isn't far behind. I even seem to have a following in Russia, but to be honest, it's probably just a couple of hackers trying to find the dirty love letters Mrs. Clinton's been e-mailing me for the past eight years.

In light of my progress toward worldwide domination of the cult film criticism industry, I decided to throw an international horror film festival, but then I remembered I'm too busy, so this week's Thursday Thriller is The ABCs of Death.

This 2013 anthology film comprises 26 shorts by directors from around the world. Each short details a different way to die that starts with its respective letter of the alphabet. For example, A is for Apocalypse, B is for Bigfoot, and so on. I'm not going to give you the complete rundown, because the titles appear at the end of each short and sometimes reveal a poignant comment on the preceding work, and I'm definitely not about to summarize all 26 chapters. In the time it takes me to write them up, you could be watching them. To fit 26 shorts into one feature-length film, they have to be music-video short, sometimes shorter.

I will say, though, that some of my favorite moments included D, L, and X. If you'll indulge me one spoiler, the alphabet ends in Z, wherein Tokyo Gore Police director Yoshihiro Nishimura presents a grand finale of gratuitous sex, violence and Nazi iconography that will have you wondering all weekend what the fuck you just watched.

How good is this movie? It's so good, that if you showed it to a bunch of high school kids, you would go to jail. The ABCs of Death is an international horror film festival you can throw in your own living room. It streams on Netflix and Shudder.