Nevertheless, as obvious as it sounds some people like to tell their friends what's about to happen when they go to haunted houses. "That guy is real! He's going to move!" They say it as if they've solved some great mystery, as if their friends paid to hear them talk about how smart they are.
Why do people feel the need to play tour guide? Why spoil the surprise for their friends? If you've been following my recent comments on strange behavior of haunted house customers, you already know: because they're afraid.
Just like the mom who told her daughter to "stop being scared" these folks are looking for a way to control a situation. If you can give away all the secrets, there's nothing to be afraid of, right?
More importantly, they're afraid of looking foolish. They want everyone to know they're not so easy to trick. To those people, I have a question: if you're so smart, how do I still get your money? And why do you still jump like Hell when I move?
Anyway, this week's Thursday Thriller is The Fly.
David Cronenberg directed this uber-pukey 1986 remake of the 1958 monster classic that starred Vincent Price.
Jeff Goldblum plays Seth Brundle, a certifiable genius and incredible dork who is determined to change the world by inventing teleportation so he doesn't get car sick anymore. Geena Davis plays Veronica Quaife, a journalist Brundle convinces to come back to his lab to check out his invention. How many of you ladies have fallen for that one?
In what looks like a magic trick, Seth teleports Ronnie's stocking from one of his telepods to the other. No big deal. Later he tries a baboon and winds up with an inside out baboon. Then he tries a steak, but it doesn't taste very good, and from that he figures out the changes he needs to make to teleport the baboon's brother. Seems like mice would be cheaper.
While Seth and Ronnie are celebrating the success of the baboon experiment, Ronnie sees a piece of mail from her editor/ex-boyfriend and rushes off to break things off with him for good. Left alone, Seth gets drunk on champagne and tells the baboon all his problems. Then he decides to get in the teleport himself, but there's a fly in there.
At first Seth comes out none the worse for wear. In fact, he's suddenly good at gymnastics and can fuck for hours. He starts talking manically like he's on meth. He's got a weird patch of hair on his back. Come to find out the teleport has fused his DNA with the fly's, so he begins to turn into an altogether new organism, Brundlefly. This causes conflict in his relationship with Ronnie, especially when she learns she's pregnant.
As Brundlefly's condition deteriorates (or improves, as he sees it) his skin is covered with lesions, he has to vomit on his food to dissolve it before he can eat it, and his ears fall off right in front of Ronnie, again, just like he's on meth. In fact, I think the whole movie might be a meth-aphor.
The Fly is Cronenbergian body horror at its most commercially successful. Goldblum and Davis are great. The film is utterly disgusting and it streams on Hulu.
Mention The Fly this weekend at The Devil's Attic and get $2 off admission.
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