Don't despair, mortals. You've almost made it. It's the last Thursday before Christmas. By this time next week, you'll be planning on getting drunk with your friends for New Year's. Now that's a real holiday.
You've still got some hurtles to overcome before you can declare Yuletide over, however. For example, you've got to check out this movie.
You've still got some hurtles to overcome before you can declare Yuletide over, however. For example, you've got to check out this movie.
This week's Thursday Thriller is Elves.
This 1989 film was directed by Jeffrey Mendel. Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty stars as Mike McGavin, an alcoholic ex-detective who takes a job as a department store Santa after the first Santa was stabbed in the dick to death by the title characters.
See, this girl Kirsten (Julie Austin), who also works at the department store, accidentally raised the elves while trying to cast a spell with her friends in the woods where she's not supposed to go, using one of her grandfather's books, which she's not supposed to look at.
The elves follow Kirsten around because they're supposed to impregnate her at midnight on Christmas Eve so she'll give birth to the Master Race.
Or something.
Speaking of things Kirsten isn't supposed to do, she also lets her friends into the department store after hours so they can camp out with some boys and have an all-night fuck party. It turns out Mike is also sleeping at the department store because he's homeless and there are Nazis trying to track Kirsten down since the elves surfaced.
After a shootout with the Nazis and elves in the department store the police chief tells Mike he's implicated in the deaths of Kirsten's friends. He gives Mike the old 24 hours to clear his good name. He has to solve the mystery of the elves.
Is it a good movie?
Mortals, I'll be honest. It's a mess, but a fun mess. I've tried to watch it five times and haven't yet made it all the way through. It's got some great moments, funny bits of dialogue and a couple big surprises, though. I recommend it as a bedtime story or perhaps a party movie.
Elves streams on YouTube.
This 1989 film was directed by Jeffrey Mendel. Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty stars as Mike McGavin, an alcoholic ex-detective who takes a job as a department store Santa after the first Santa was stabbed in the dick to death by the title characters.
See, this girl Kirsten (Julie Austin), who also works at the department store, accidentally raised the elves while trying to cast a spell with her friends in the woods where she's not supposed to go, using one of her grandfather's books, which she's not supposed to look at.
The elves follow Kirsten around because they're supposed to impregnate her at midnight on Christmas Eve so she'll give birth to the Master Race.
Or something.
Speaking of things Kirsten isn't supposed to do, she also lets her friends into the department store after hours so they can camp out with some boys and have an all-night fuck party. It turns out Mike is also sleeping at the department store because he's homeless and there are Nazis trying to track Kirsten down since the elves surfaced.
After a shootout with the Nazis and elves in the department store the police chief tells Mike he's implicated in the deaths of Kirsten's friends. He gives Mike the old 24 hours to clear his good name. He has to solve the mystery of the elves.
Is it a good movie?
Mortals, I'll be honest. It's a mess, but a fun mess. I've tried to watch it five times and haven't yet made it all the way through. It's got some great moments, funny bits of dialogue and a couple big surprises, though. I recommend it as a bedtime story or perhaps a party movie.
Elves streams on YouTube.
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