Wednesday, December 9, 2015

"Well, it ain't fuckin' Frosty."

The temperature is finally starting to dip. Solstice is almost here and boy, am I in the holiday spirit.  So what's your problem?  Are you worried about money? Are you missing dead relatives? Are you realizing another year has almost passed and you're no closer to realizing your hopes and dreams than you were when it started? 

Maybe a dose of nonsensical, fantasy violence will snap you out of it, and I have just the movie. This week's Thursday Thriller is the 1997 horror/comedy Jack Frost, by director Michael Cooney. The title character is a serial killer who, through freak accident on his way to prison, mutates into a snowman,  escapes and comes back to seek revenge on the sheriff who caught him. 

Put more simply, this is a movie about a killer snowman. 

You're probably thinking, what is this trickery, Satan? That sounds even dumber than Thankskilling



Take a breath, there is no movie dumber than Thankskilling. Just check your suspension of disbelief at the opening titles and you'll have a good time. 

It seems turning into a snowman is the best thing that could happen to a serial killer like Mr. Frost, because he's disguised, virtually unnoticeable in the winter landscape, he can turn parts of himself into deadly sharp icicles, he can separate himself into flurries and blow into drafty rooms or melt into water and leak under doorways. He's almost unstoppable. 


It works within its own twisted, logical framework. Thankskilling has no such framework.

IMDB lists Scott MacDonald, Christopher Allport and Stephen Mendel as the stars of the movie,  but the most memorable moment features a pre-American Pie Shannon Elizabeth in a bathtub. I hate to date myself, especially because I'm immortal, but I watched this movie on a VCR when it first came out, and the bathtub scene has haunted me ever since.

Jack Frost streams on Hulu Plus. Look at it. Maybe it'll make you feel better. 

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