Let's face it, mortals, negotiating a menage a trois with your lover is a delicate art. It takes a strong foundation of trust and honesty. You have to set boundaries, overcome such hurdles as jealousy and fear of judgment, find a willing third party. For a lot of people, these are dicey waters to navigate.
One misstep and you could alienate your lover. She might decide to jump from a moving train, camp out alone in an abandoned castle and wake up a bunch of undead knights with her transistor radio. On horseback, they will chase her down and bite her to death. So much for your threesome.
This week's Thursday Thriller is Tombs of the Blind Dead.
Unlike a lot of European films of the era, this PG-rated 1972 Armando de Ossorio film keeps its sexual content suggestive rather than explicit, an oversight de Ossorio corrected in the franchise's later films.
A young woman named Virginia (Maria Elena Arpon) sits poolside reading a magazine when she spots Betty (Lone Fleming), an old friend from her school days. What's Betty been up to? She's been making and selling mannequins in a building out by the old church cemetery. Just as they're catching up, Virginia's boyfriend Roger (Cesar Burner) struts up and puts on his blue and white, polka-dotted, ass-length bathrobe.
He looks Betty up and down in her bikini and invites her to go camping with them the next day, despite Virginia's obvious jealousy. Roger's flirtations with Betty escalate on the train, and Virginia storms off. Betty goes to smooth things over and reminds Virginia of their suggested lesbian experience during which the pair sat around in their nighties and giggled at a picture of a bride and groom in the magazine. Betty took on the role of the groom by pulling her hair across her upper lip to simulate a moustache.
Then dumbass Roger interrupts the flashback. Virginia decides to jump off the train. The conductor won't stop, though, because of his deeply held local superstitions.
See, way back during the Crusades, a group called the Knights Templar went to fight, but came back to Europe practicing Eastern magick, committing sacrifices, drinking blood, all that good stuff. They were eventually executed for witchcraft, but Virginia wakes them up from the dead, and they rise from their graves. Corny skeleton hands poke out of crypts, but they're offset by the genuinely creepy soundtrack of chanting. It will give you a chill My favorite move, though, especially in these modern times of jaded horror fans who love to tell you about how over pop scares they are, is when the camera suddenly zooms in on one of the knights in an extreme close-up and the soundtrack goes, "RARGH!"
Roger and Betty eventually circle back on horses to look for Virginia, but they're too late as she's been murdered. They then begin their own investigation into her death. Virgina for her part doesn't stay down long. She gets up off her gurney and attacks the morgue keeper. Later in the movie, after Betty gets suggestedly raped by a smuggler in the cemetery, Virginia drops by to see her at work.
This movie is not too self-aware to literally shake the scary thing in your face and roar at you. It is a zombie movie, but the zombies ride horses, carry swords, and wear crusty capes. They're some of my favorite monsters, and the score by Anton Garcia Abril serves the creepy atmosphere well.
Tombs of the Blind Dead streams on Amazon Prime and YouTube.
Unlike a lot of European films of the era, this PG-rated 1972 Armando de Ossorio film keeps its sexual content suggestive rather than explicit, an oversight de Ossorio corrected in the franchise's later films.
A young woman named Virginia (Maria Elena Arpon) sits poolside reading a magazine when she spots Betty (Lone Fleming), an old friend from her school days. What's Betty been up to? She's been making and selling mannequins in a building out by the old church cemetery. Just as they're catching up, Virginia's boyfriend Roger (Cesar Burner) struts up and puts on his blue and white, polka-dotted, ass-length bathrobe.
He looks Betty up and down in her bikini and invites her to go camping with them the next day, despite Virginia's obvious jealousy. Roger's flirtations with Betty escalate on the train, and Virginia storms off. Betty goes to smooth things over and reminds Virginia of their suggested lesbian experience during which the pair sat around in their nighties and giggled at a picture of a bride and groom in the magazine. Betty took on the role of the groom by pulling her hair across her upper lip to simulate a moustache.
Then dumbass Roger interrupts the flashback. Virginia decides to jump off the train. The conductor won't stop, though, because of his deeply held local superstitions.
See, way back during the Crusades, a group called the Knights Templar went to fight, but came back to Europe practicing Eastern magick, committing sacrifices, drinking blood, all that good stuff. They were eventually executed for witchcraft, but Virginia wakes them up from the dead, and they rise from their graves. Corny skeleton hands poke out of crypts, but they're offset by the genuinely creepy soundtrack of chanting. It will give you a chill My favorite move, though, especially in these modern times of jaded horror fans who love to tell you about how over pop scares they are, is when the camera suddenly zooms in on one of the knights in an extreme close-up and the soundtrack goes, "RARGH!"
Roger and Betty eventually circle back on horses to look for Virginia, but they're too late as she's been murdered. They then begin their own investigation into her death. Virgina for her part doesn't stay down long. She gets up off her gurney and attacks the morgue keeper. Later in the movie, after Betty gets suggestedly raped by a smuggler in the cemetery, Virginia drops by to see her at work.
This movie is not too self-aware to literally shake the scary thing in your face and roar at you. It is a zombie movie, but the zombies ride horses, carry swords, and wear crusty capes. They're some of my favorite monsters, and the score by Anton Garcia Abril serves the creepy atmosphere well.
Tombs of the Blind Dead streams on Amazon Prime and YouTube.
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