"A man described as a homicidal maniac has escaped from the hospital for the criminally insane."

I suppose it was inevitable. As its merchandise gradually surrounded and swallowed up your Halloween displays in the stores, you tried to ignore it. When families got up from their Thanksgiving meals and rushed out to camp in front of their favorite big box monstrosities of retail commerce, you stayed at the table and refused to shop, because you take one holiday at a time. But your candy bag is empty and the dishes have been put away. Christmas is here in all its loud, gaudy enthusiasm for glad tidings of joy, peace on earth and goodwill toward men, and shopping. Mostly shopping. 

Despair not, mortal. Just because J.C.'s birthday is coming up doesn't mean you have to live without violent, trashy cinema in your own home. Let the ignorant jackals converge on Wal-Mart and tear each other apart over flat-screen TVs. Bolt the door and hunker down on the couch with a cup of cheer to celebrate a holiday tradition I can get behind -- movies about Santa Claus murdering people.  

People always seem interested to know where their holiday traditions come from, so I'll tell you a little about this one. 

This week's Thursday Thriller is Tales from the Crypt. 

This 1972 Amicus anthology by director Freddie Francis is, to my memory, the first film to feature a killer Kringle. 

Five people get lost on their guided tour of a catacomb where a bunch of religious nuts are buried, and come face to face with Crypt Keeper. Fans of the HBO series won't find their favorite skeleton puppet in this early film adaption of EC Comics stories by William M. Gaines, Al Feldstein and Johnny Craig. Instead, the Crypt Keeper is actor Ralph Richardson in a hooded robe. He tells each of the lost souls how they will die.

 

If you're an impatient sort, don't worry. Psycho Psanta shows up in the first segment, "And All Through the House." Joan Collins plays Joanne Clayton, who has just murdered her husband for the insurance money. As she's cleaning up the mess and making sure her daughter stays in bed, a bulletin comes over the radio, interrupting the stodgy, English Christmas Carols, to warn listeners to be on the lookout for an escaped lunatic in a Santa suit. Sure enough, he's right their in her window. Joanne starts to phone the police, but remembers her husband's corpse is still lying their bleeding all over the carpet. She gets the mess arranged, then realizes her daughter is not in her room!

It's a pretty simple story. 

Of course there are four other stories that aren't bad either. In particular, Peter Cushing makes a pretty gnarly zombie. 

Tales from the Crypt streams on YouTube. 

If you're looking for other Christmas stories, maybe something to read on your Kindle, check out Santa Claus meets Frankenstein by Todd Merriman.